Almost Enough To Turn A Guy Vegetarian

So I'm a big fan of hot food.

I'm also a big fan of sausage type food.

So what could possibly be better than hot sausage food?

Well, let me just tell you...

I stopped by the gas station tonight to fill up the car before tomorrow (something I actually rarely do) and decided to pay inside so I could grab a RockStar to enjoy on the rest of my drive home. Just before I made it to the counter, the rack of salty meat products caught my eye. On top of the rack, like it had a red blinking light on it, was something advertised as a screamin' hot jalapeno pickled sausage. Ding ding ding, we have a winner!

I grabbed that puppy without a thought, paid for all my stuff and headed back to the car. It looked like such a tasty treat. There was a little red greasy oil in the package which seemed to just yell out yum yum sausage. It looked like it had a nice crisp casing to it and I was ready to chow down.

So I tear open the package, push the sausage out a bit, open my RockStar and start driving. Just as I'm pulling out onto the street, I take a bite of the what I'll now call "sausage".

OH MY GOD.

It was easily the most vile thing I've ever put in my mouth. Honestly, it's a very good thing there weren't any cars coming at me from either direction because I surely would have crashed into them as I reeled from the nastyness which had polluted my mouth and attempted to roll the window down so I could puke the thing out of my mouth.

Have you ever wondered what it might be like to take a bite out of one of these? This putrid stick of something I can't rightfully even call food had the consistency of just like what you'd think a snausage would be like, only 10x nastier.

If gross were a noun I'd say that whatever place (that the health department should seriously investigate) made these things, took a big bag of crumbled gross, threw it into a mold and then pressed the gross until it resembled a yummy sausage. But under all the frilly looks, it would still just be a bunch of gross.

Forced to choose between the two, I'd suck a dick before I'd take another bite out of one of those things. To make things even worse, since it was in a plastic wrapper, I couldn't just throw it out the window...O but I was tempted. And I couldn't just set it down because it would leak disgustingness all over the car. So I had to hold the damn thing all the way home, constantly getting a glimpse of this giant snausage with a bite out of it. That nasty oil got all over my fingers and even after getting home and scrubbing my hands I can still smell the stuff now. Every time I blink my eyes I can see it sitting in my hand and feel the sickness of it on my tongue. Ug!!!

Anyway, to answer my origional question...when it comes from a gas station, ANYTHING! I cann't even say how sick I feel right now. I don't know if I'll ever eat again.