I Hate Election Years

October is the best month out of the year because it's the only month that houses Halloween! I hate it when things get in the way of my enjoyment of the season, and that's why I despise election years. All those damn posters everywhere, radio commercials, tv commercials. ARG! Imagine if they did all this BS in December every other year and fucked up Christmas for everybody.

Anyway, in honor of all the crap I have to put up with this time of year, I decided it was finally time to put forth my ultimate political solution. The only possible way to solve all the crap we get rained down on us from Washington and local capital buildings. You may totally disagree, but I think it's brilliant.

Are you ready? I can sum it up in 1 word.

Bums.

That's right, bums. As in homeless people.

So, what we need to do is, immediatly cease all political campaigning and gather up all of the bums. Next we send every existing person in a significant political office home and replace them with a bum. It doesn't matter which one goes where, but we should probably filter out the really crazy ones and appoint them as ambassadors. You know, to scare folks off a bit. "Don't mess with those American folks, they're craaaaaaazy!" And the rest can draw lots for positions here.

As a bonus, this would even solve two major US problems at the same time: Homelessness AND Political Fucktardery!

I know you're thinking it can't possibly be that simple. It can't possibly be better this way. Well, how could it be worse? Lets draw a few comparisons:

• Most politicians don't have much else better to do. Bums have nothing to do.
• Politicians love to hear themselves and just...won't...stop...talking. Wander around downtown for a while and you'll get the same thing from the homeless folk.
• Bums don't like to work. Honestly, come on, politicians don't work.
• Politicians make careers out of asking for money. Uh, do I really need to make the comparison here?

I could list more, but seriously, those are the main qualifications to being a politician: lots of free time, talk a lot, do little and ask for money. Am I wrong?

Now, since we know they have the same basic qualifications, why are bums the better choice? A few simple reasons:

• Bums are very good at managing little money. They don't need a billion dollars to figure out why birds shit on park benches.
• 100% clean slate. Bums have no existing relationships in government and don't "owe any favors". (really, this is fixed with any sort of clean slate, but I still think bums are the best choice)
• Bums absolutely know what it's like to get fucked by the system.
• Bums can actually relate to people with middle and lower incomes. If you think that ANYONE who has the money to run for any significant political office can honestly relate to the average American person, well, we're going to have some US Ambassador positions opening soon.

So there you have it, my solution to making my October's enjoyable again.

Elect nobody in '06! Pick a bum!

(technically speaking, even if you don't follow my advice, it's what we're going to get anyway)

Friday Five

Been a while, I always seem to forget until it's Saturday.

1. The time:
10:26 am

2. The weather:
Rather foggy, 53°

3. The big news story:
Hmm, I'm a bit out of it today. I heard that Mannheim Steamroller has some new Halloween CD's out. Going to have to locate those. On a related note, interesting Mannheim fact if you don't already know, they're comprised of the members of the old Metal band Savatage. Funny thing, although they couldn't be more different, I dig both bands.

4. Your favorite hangout:
Garage.

5. The must-have accessory:
Black.
What? I can call it an accessory if I want to. :P

What The Fuck?

Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?

Have you ever stumbled across something that just made absolutely no sense? And I don't mean your typical WTF, I mean it 100% stops you in your tracks, smacks you upside the head, whips you around and literally floors you. Like something you could never, ever imagine unless you saw it with your own eyes. And even then, you can't believe you're actually seeing it. Have ya?

Well I just did.

I stumbled across the website for an old ex from college a several years ago and every now and then, when I'm bored, I pop in so see the latest picture news...just to satisfy my own morbid curiosities. I won't go into the what, why or how's of all that, but let's just say that whole saga would be a very long (and honestly quite intersting) story. Every now and then when I'm alone in the dark I still get a little pang over that one. But that's not the point here.

Anyway, so obviously people change over time, but what I just saw...I...I just can't fathom it. Back in college, this girl was the epitomy of Goth. I mean, Goth to the absolute core. In fact, she's the one that really solidified that scene in me. Even my mother, the nicest, most June Cleaver person you'll ever meet, used to refer to her as Morticia...behind both of our backs, but I laugh about it now that I know ;). From the pictures I'd seen in the past, she'd obviously changed quite a bit from the person that I used to know. And frankly, I have a pretty good idea why (yes, there IS a compelling why to this one), but I'm not the spiteful person I used to be that would lay out the reason for all of you anymore. So yeah, I knew she'd changed a bit. I'm sure I have too. But this...this is just crazy.

What I saw was, pictures from her birthday party this year. There was a theme to the party, and it wasn't one of those joking around type themes. This was an honest, "here's what I'd like everyone to do" themes. What was it?

Seriously, I can hardly bring myself to say it.

It was a Country theme. Complete with cowboy hats and everything. Fucking Country theme!

I know, big deal you say. I mean, I know several people who this would be totally cool for, and I have nothing against it. But for HER to do this. Go from this beautifully perfect Gothic soul to a Country gal... I guess you'd have had to of known her in college. But think of it like if tomorrow somebody showed you a picture of Osama hugging Anna Nicole, or Hillary Clinton blowing George Bush.

I am beyond shocked. Truly un-fucking-believable.

I gotta go, the world doesn't make sense anymore.

Fortune

Shew, I'm way behind on these.

Wednesday super fortune dump in reverse chronological order (newest first):

Something on four wheels will soon be a fun investment for you!

Translation: Repeat. Lame.

A friend will soon reveal an exciting secret to you.

Translation: Repeat. Lame. (Still waiting on the last one)

You will do better in real estate than in stocks.

Translation: True actually. My current house is doing quite well. Thanks crazy ass Washington housing market!

Your charm has inspired a secret admirer.

Translation: Wish these secret admirer's would step up sometime.

You will soon be receiving sound spoken advice. Listen!

Translation: Still waiting on that one.

Your respect for others will be your ticket to success.

Translation: Or my ability to ride on shoulders.

You will find your solution where you least expect it.

Translation: True. I always do. Funny thing is, "where I least expect it" always ends up being the most obvious place.

Something on 4 wheels will soon be a fun investment for you!

Translation: No shit, I got this fortune the week before I got the mini-van. At that time I had no idea on the car purchase. Turns out, the thing IS growing on me. After a few trips to Home Depot, it's advantages became quite clear.

You will have many friends when you need them.

Translation: I think I do.

You may be called upon to help a friend.

Translation: Waiting.