The Day The Laughter Died

Yeah, it's a bit long and I'm not creative enough today to properly alter the lyrics. But I think those concerned can figure out the appropriate changes.


A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How that music used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And, maybe, they’d be happy for a while.

But february made me shiver
With every paper I’d deliver.
Bad news on the doorstep;
I couldn’t take one more step.

I can’t remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride,
But something touched me deep inside
The day the music died.

So bye-bye, miss american pie.
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
And them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Did you write the book of love,
And do you have faith in God above,
If the Bible tells you so?
Do you believe in rock ’n roll,
Can music save your mortal soul,
And can you teach me how to dance real slow?

Well, I know that you’re in love with him
`cause I saw you dancin’ in the gym.
You both kicked off your shoes.
Man, I dig those rhythm and blues.

I was a lonely teenage broncin’ buck
With a pink carnation and a pickup truck,
But I knew I was out of luck
The day the music died.

I started singin’,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Now for ten years we’ve been on our own
And moss grows fat on a rollin’ stone,
But that’s not how it used to be.
When the jester sang for the king and queen,
In a coat he borrowed from james dean
And a voice that came from you and me,

Oh, and while the king was looking down,
The jester stole his thorny crown.
The courtroom was adjourned;
No verdict was returned.
And while lennon read a book of marx,
The quartet practiced in the park,
And we sang dirges in the dark
The day the music died.

We were singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Helter skelter in a summer swelter.
The birds flew off with a fallout shelter,
Eight miles high and falling fast.
It landed foul on the grass.
The players tried for a forward pass,
With the jester on the sidelines in a cast.

Now the half-time air was sweet perfume
While the sergeants played a marching tune.
We all got up to dance,
Oh, but we never got the chance!
`cause the players tried to take the field;
The marching band refused to yield.
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the music died?

We started singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Oh, and there we were all in one place,
A generation lost in space
With no time left to start again.
So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick!
Jack flash sat on a candlestick
Cause fire is the devil’s only friend.

Oh, and as I watched him on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage.
No angel born in hell
Could break that satan’s spell.
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite,
I saw satan laughing with delight
The day the music died

He was singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news,
But she just smiled and turned away.
I went down to the sacred store
Where I’d heard the music years before,
But the man there said the music wouldn’t play.

And in the streets: the children screamed,
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed.
But not a word was spoken;
The church bells all were broken.
And the three men I admire most:
The father, son, and the holy ghost,
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died.

And they were singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
And them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

They were singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die."

Wishful Thinking

Local Idiot Has Balls Stomped By Elephant
SEATTLE (AP) - A local man was treated and released yesterday for injuries sustained when an elephant stomped on his balls.

An eyewitness at the scene said the victim was walking through a parking lot with some friends when an African Bull Elephant came out of nowhere, knocked him over and "stomped on his balls". "Craziest thing I've ever seen!" said Dave, a local grocery store employee, "I've been working here for years and I've never even seen a deer in our parking lot, let alone an elephant. It just came out of nowhere."

According to the victim's friends, he is a bit of a show-off and had recently taken to keying cars. "We always teased him because he had such small balls, maybe that's why he acts the way he does", said one friend. Doctors say he won't have to worry about that for a while though, "they look a bit like coconuts right now; painful, very painful." They expect him to make a full recovery, except for his voice, which they say appears to have been permanently altered to sound like, "well, like someone who just had their balls stomped on by an elephant."

The victim couldn't be reached for comment at press time. We spoke with his girlfriend over the phone and she said she had no comment other than "I hope his [penis] wasn't involved in the accident as well. He can't stand to have that get any smaller, I can barely feel it as it is", quickly adding, "But I don't blame the elephant though. If I didn't know better, I'd think he had a peanut in his pants too."

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Okay, so I made all that up. But if any of you happen to see a news story similar to that, PLEASE let me know. I'd really like to go have a good laugh at the fuckwad that keyed my car over the weekend. Seriously, what is it with you people out here?

My boyfriend's pecker keeps slipping out

Best SPAM I've had show up in my Junkmail folder in quite some time.

And as if the subject line alone wasn't enough to make me laugh for 10 minutes...wait, no, still laughing about it...15 minutes...the message body sealed its fate as best SPAM of the month.


Chicks always whooped at me and even gentlemans did in the open toilet!
Well, now I hee-haw at them, because I took Me_ga. d_ik.
for 5 months and now my peter is much preponderant than usual.
take up <phishing site removed />


Seriously, do people actually respond to these things? I'm guessing you have to be dumber than the spammer to fall for their shenanigans. And if I'm correct in that assumption, man is this guy scraping the bottom of the ocean...