Friday Five

1. What's missing from your life?
Joy.
(The feeling, not the stripper)

2. Do you like to get drunk?
Yup. In fact I sampled a delicious new beer just last night. I just can't pass up 2 pint bottle of alc. 10% hopp-tastic goodness.

3. Have you ever kissed a stranger?
Depends on how you define stranger. If this means just ran up to some random person and laid one down, then no. But if it means someone I had just recently met and hardly knew, then yes.

4. Do you smoke?
Cigarettes? Not any more.
Cigars? Very rarely.
Pole? No.

5. What makes you happy?
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs

Half-Nekkid Thursday - Still Scary Edition

So yeah, it's been like 4 months since I last came up witn an HNT entry. Purely not intentional, I'm just a slacker lately.

This photo was taken during a recent trip back home. That's my neice fleeing for her dear life because apparently Uncle Ever is extremely terrifying. My brother kept putting her on my lap to try and get a picture...this was the result every time. :)

She must be running from the double chin. Thanks pizza!

Anyway, it gave me a great laugh, so hope it brightens up somebody else's Thursday too. Happy HNT!

Avaisms

Yeah, it's been a while since I posted anything. Sorry, I get lazy when I go out of town. :)

So Her Brilliance and I went to the hardware store over the weekend. She kept getting into stuff (lots to look at) so I was carrying her down one of the isles looking for some electrial supplies. At the end of the isle there was a guy doing the same. HB piped up with this:

HB: Who is that guy?
Me: I don't know.
HB: He has a beard.
Me: Yes, yes he does.
HB: Who is he?
Me: I don't know, why don't you go ask him?

She then leaned close to my ear and whispered all quiet and serious:

Maybe he's some kind of DUDE.

I was rolling.

Dance Dance What?

I've always been one to think that Dance Dance Revolution is among the dumbest games ever invented. I know a lot of people are crazy about it, but I just don't get it. Sorry.

But!

That was until I saw this site...possibly one of the coolest things I've ever seen.

Dance Dance Immolation is an adaptation of the popular arcade video game Dance Dance Revolution, but with fire! Basically, you play DDR; when you do well, the computer shoots big propane blasts up into the air. When you do poorly, it shoots you in the face with flamethrowers. Yes, you, as in your actual corporeal body. And yes, flamethrowers, like the kind that are on fire.

Hells yeah, sign me up!

What Would Brian Boitano Do?

Conference calls are so f'ing boring.

Why I Like Easter

• Ham
• Deviled Eggs
• Ham
• Ham
• ...
• Ham
• Beer

Friday Five

1. Have you ever ridden a camel?
Nope, but I fucked a hunchback once, does that count?

(No I didn't)

2. When you are outside, what does the horizon look like?
I don't understand the question. It looks like where the sky meets the ground. Duh.

3. Who is the last person to leave you a message?
Voicemail? A certain favorite marketing person of mine.

4. How many hours did you sleep last night?
Four. Viva la Xbox!

5. Chocolate: take it or leave it?
Generally leave it. Unless it's white chocolate covering a pretzel or one of these.

You Know What I Hate?

Right-handed serving utensils.

Avaisms

We had a conversation about animals tonight:

I don't have a tail, I just have a butt.

Fear and Loathing in Arizona

Half-thoughts and musings on an Arizona adventure.

• Arizona is hot (to reiterate)
• Boarding Southwest is chaos
• Thank god for children under 5 and preboarding
• Southwest has some of the friendliest and amusing flight staff I've encountered
• Seriously
• Basketball players make liberal use of a certain word that begins with an N and is pronounced similar to a country in Africa
• At least, the ones I spent several hours with did
• Call me crazy, but if something offends you when others do it, you ought not do it yourself
• Yes, I understand the cultural differences thing
• Try and explain that one to a 3 year old
• If she starts saying it now, I'm NOT going to be happy
• There are a lot of old people in Arizona
• Old people complain a lot
• And drive poorly
• Motorcycle accidents are scary
• $12 margaritas are quite tasty
• Small dogs are almost as bad as cats
• Almost
• Not checking email rules
• Three cheers for private swimming pools
• On golf courses
• Four!!!
• Splash
• Vultures are cool
• Never perpetuate the stork/baby myth
• Have you ever seen a stork?
• Trust me...that's a bad myth
• I like trees
• I really like trees
• The grand canyon looks cool from the air
• Walking the ASU campus in the springtime is a bad idea
• If you haven't been laid in a long long time
• Dear...god........
• Excuse me while I...hey, anybody got a number for a good escort service?
• Kidding
• Maybe
• There is life outside the Xbox
• It's not as fun though
• And it's surprisingly more frustrating
• Mmmmm....pizza
• Cowboys are funny
• Marshmallows are like little napalm bombs when heated to the right temperature
• Don't steal my idea, I'm going to sell it to the military and make millions
• "Napalm just burns. Now...imagine your enemy, burned AND sticky!"
• Brilliant I tell you
• Cacti
• I like that word
• Cactiiiiiiiiiii!!
• Cool
• Those'd make good weapons too, damn those buggers are pointy
• The desert is kinda boring
• But it provides some cool pictures
• Never expect much of the food from a tourist trap
• Especially one that pretends not to be a tourist trap
• Stucco actually looks good in Arizona.
• Oughta buy a place there before prices really go up
• And I thought they were building a lot of houses out here...
• Going to sleep by 11:00 isn't such a bad thing
• But I'm glad to be back to my normal schedule now
• Boy my lawn was long
• Fixed that yesterday
• Bla

Quick Programming Note

Arizona is hot.

Sorry

Ya'll will have to do without my fabulously exciting posts for a few days. I'm off to sunny Arizona.

Catch you next Wednesday.

Playing Brain Twister

I love the song, but I'll be damned if I can get to the bottom of what they're actually saying. Anyhoo, I give you my confusing lyrics of the day:

Girls who are boys
Who like boys to be girls
Who do boys like they're girls
Who do girls like they're boys
Always should be someone you really love

Congrats!

Way to go Colorado, u r so smrt!

Students at Shaw Heights Middle School are no longer allowed to wear anything that's patriotic...

http://cbs4denver.com/topstories/local_story_094003340.html

I'm not going to jump feet first into this debate, but good god folks, I am so sick and tired of people having to apologize for loving OUR country. Being a melting pot is good and all, but honestly, this is insanity.

Got The Time?

Seriously, does anybody know what fucking time it is? I've been walking around in a veritable Twilight Zone all day today. Sure, the fact that I'm totally exhausted (thanks non-meeting) doesn't help, but still... I leave my house and it's 10:00. I get in my car and it's 9:00. I go to the cafe and it's 2:00. I go back to my desk and it's 3:00. I leave work and it's 5:00. I get in my car and it's 4:00.

Enough already, I've had it up to here ^ with the time changes.

Hey government folks!

*bomb* *bomb* *bomb* *bomb* *bomb* *bomb* *bomb* *bomb*

(just getting their attention)

Is there any way we can just leave the time alone for one year? Just one, that's all I ask. I mean really, can't we just see what happens? I doubt the world will come to an end if we don't move back and forth. I mean, after all, Arizona's still here...

Happy About the Rain

Today I learned that my new Vans (which are super cool btw) are awesome linoleum squeakers when they're wet!

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeeek Beotch!!!

King Gong

If you're too young to get the Gong reference, don't worry about it...most folks that I know aren't.

So I stayed up late last night watching the Peter Jackson version of King Kong and can sum up the experience in 3 words (too bad he couldn't): long, superfluous, and long.

I had reasonably high hopes for this film given his previous successes with Lord of the Rings, coupled with the knowledge that it won some academy awards for visual effects. So much for that.

Here's a hint: using all of your footage does not a good movie (typically) make. It worked for the LOTR series, but those were new films based on an epic story. King Kong has been done before, and it's hardly a complex story: People find ape, ape finds girl, people rescue girl, people kill ape. The 1933 version of the film was about an hour and a half long. The 1976 version, about two hours. 2005? THREE FUCKING HOURS! Hello? It's the SAME story, where did the extra hour come from? I didn't know that inflation worked on time too.

The beginning of the movie was probably 45 minutes long and could have been cropped to 15. If that. The main body of the film, time spent on the island, was as long as the movie should have been in total. The ending, well, see the beginning. Honestly, when Kong started climbing the Empire State Building it was about 2:00 AM and I fell asleep. I woke up again at 2:20 and guess what? He was STILL on the Empire State Building. For the love!

The general acting was par, but I really hated Jack Black in the role of Carl Denham. Not that he didn't play the part well, actually the opposite, but to me, Jack Black just isn't "that guy", at all, so I hated his portrayal. I typically hate Adrian Brody, but this time around I kind of liked him. And then there's Naomi Watts...a few particular scenes made her my crush of the day.

I really liked the island natives, they looked awesome. Influence from Jackson's work on LOTR was totally apparent here. They had a human meets kong meets ork look to them that was just rad.

Finally, the visual effects. I'm a big CGI fan, so I was hoping to see some cool things here, and I did, but for the most part I'd give it a solid average. To their credit, the folks that modeled Kong did an amazing job. Up close, he looked perfect and was totally believable. But when he was in motion in a wide shot, absolutely not. Which is the opposite of what you'd think. Props to the Kong/T-Rex fight animators though, that was probably the best part of the movie. The real bad stuff were things like the Brontosaurus Pile-up, which just came off totally comical to me. Really, I laughed and laughed, and I don't think that was intended. The scene with the bugs was just dumb, it's like the animators had a bucket full of bugs and accidentally spilled them all over. Why have 5 when we can have 5,000,000? But what really did it in for me was when they actually animated Naomi juggling some rocks. Dumb, dumb, dumb, DUMB!

Part of the problem could be that I also watched HP: Goblet of Fire again this weekend. The CGI work in that film is just astounding (see the dragon scenes). I can't believe that King Kong beat out HP for visual effects. Damn crime that is.

All in all, that's 3 hours worth of quality gaming time I'll never get back.

Sorry PJ, 2 out of 5 Nerds for you

Come On In The Water's Fine

Sat in my hot tub for the first time in 3 months last night. The water was hot.

In other news, after watching a movie till 2:30 this morning (more on that later) I somehow pulled myself out of bed in time for my 8:00 meeting this morning.

Nobody thought to activate the conference call number.

Again.

Must Have Items for April!

For anyone thinking of buying me a gift this month, here are some keen suggestions. All of them are super-cool, but I'll take as many of the 1up Mushrooms as I can get. ;)

iZilla Media Monster - Two Terrabytes of Digital Media Euphoria!

USB Desktop Tanning Center - Your Desktop Fun-without-the-sun Buddy!

Grow Your Own 1up Mushroom Kit - Extra Life!

Wireless Extension Cords - Power Where You Need It!

Buzzaire - Metered Dose Caffeine Inhaler - Power Air!