Everlasting Know It All

Blutengel

2008-03-24T12:07:00.000-07:00

Always dug this song. Gotta love youtube! I really really really want to see them live now.

Web 2.0

2008-03-13T16:06:00.001-07:00

I am sooooooooooo sick of hearing this little buzzword. I was going to write about it, but stumbled across this gem of a rant. Spells out my thoughts exactly.

http://caustictech.typepad.com/caustictech/2006/04/so_its_a_been_a.html (have to scroll down a little)

Needless to say, I swear I'm going to fucking punch the next person that says Web 2.0 to me.

Did Somebody Say Boobs?

2008-03-10T10:24:00.001-07:00

Indeed!

I Suck

2008-03-06T17:11:00.000-08:00

Oh how I really really suck. :(

miss you

Crazy Humor

2008-02-27T10:37:00.000-08:00

Garfield Minus Garfield

Awesome stuff right there.

Justification?

2008-02-25T12:07:00.000-08:00

I've been giving some thought to Karma lately. Not that I really need to, but it has just been popping in my head. Anyway, I've come to the conclusion that I do indeed believe in Karma. However, I also believe that whenever I do something that Karma might want to get back at me about, I'm actually being Karma's tool and getting back at somebody that already needed getting back at, thereby actually doing something good in the Karma sense. I mean, somebody's got to do it, right?

I like it, makes perfect sense to me.

Fix0red

2008-02-25T12:03:00.000-08:00

My old image *ahem* "host" recently went away. Finally got unlazy and moved the images to my own server. Sorry for the few weeks worth of shitty looking site. :)

As Seen On My Beer Calendar

2008-02-22T15:25:00.000-08:00

Beer Fact:

Cock ale is a beer libation once featured in 17th- and 18th-century British and American cookbooks. One recipe calls for raisins, mace, cloves, 12 gallons of ale, and one large elderly cock.

*snicker*

Quote of the Week

2008-02-11T10:19:00.001-08:00

"Nice truck! Sorry about your penis though."
--Unknown

Quote of the Week

2008-01-29T10:49:00.000-08:00

Beer has long been the prime lubricant in our social intercourse and the sacred throat-anointing fluid that accompanies the ritual of mateship.

-- Rennie Ellis, Australian Photographer

Seriously?

2007-11-25T15:23:00.000-08:00

Y'all are fucking idiots.

You too.

Suck It Up

2007-11-13T15:42:00.000-08:00

http://www.tvweek.com/blogs/james-hibberd/2007/11/strikers_gain_fan_support.php

I sure wish I could go "On Strike" every time I wanted something. Sorry writers, I don't feel bad for you in the slightest. Just thinking how much money my company makes on my work every year...last year I supported over $6 million in revenue. How much of that do you suppose I saw? Hardly a fraction.

As for my favorite TV shows going away? Boo hoo, whatever shall I do???

I can't believe people are so worked up about this. If your biggest problem in life is that you're going to have to watch some re-runs this winter...

R.I.P.

2007-09-06T02:06:00.000-07:00

Sad day for classical music. I always wanted to see him live. :(

The Day The Laughter Died

2007-08-31T09:47:00.000-07:00

Yeah, it's a bit long and I'm not creative enough today to properly alter the lyrics. But I think those concerned can figure out the appropriate changes.

A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How that music used to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And, maybe, they’d be happy for a while.

But february made me shiver
With every paper I’d deliver.
Bad news on the doorstep;
I couldn’t take one more step.

I can’t remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride,
But something touched me deep inside
The day the music died.

So bye-bye, miss american pie.
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
And them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Did you write the book of love,
And do you have faith in God above,
If the Bible tells you so?
Do you believe in rock ’n roll,
Can music save your mortal soul,
And can you teach me how to dance real slow?

Well, I know that you’re in love with him
`cause I saw you dancin’ in the gym.
You both kicked off your shoes.
Man, I dig those rhythm and blues.

I was a lonely teenage broncin’ buck
With a pink carnation and a pickup truck,
But I knew I was out of luck
The day the music died.

I started singin’,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Now for ten years we’ve been on our own
And moss grows fat on a rollin’ stone,
But that’s not how it used to be.
When the jester sang for the king and queen,
In a coat he borrowed from james dean
And a voice that came from you and me,

Oh, and while the king was looking down,
The jester stole his thorny crown.
The courtroom was adjourned;
No verdict was returned.
And while lennon read a book of marx,
The quartet practiced in the park,
And we sang dirges in the dark
The day the music died.

We were singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Helter skelter in a summer swelter.
The birds flew off with a fallout shelter,
Eight miles high and falling fast.
It landed foul on the grass.
The players tried for a forward pass,
With the jester on the sidelines in a cast.

Now the half-time air was sweet perfume
While the sergeants played a marching tune.
We all got up to dance,
Oh, but we never got the chance!
`cause the players tried to take the field;
The marching band refused to yield.
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the music died?

We started singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

Oh, and there we were all in one place,
A generation lost in space
With no time left to start again.
So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick!
Jack flash sat on a candlestick
Cause fire is the devil’s only friend.

Oh, and as I watched him on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage.
No angel born in hell
Could break that satan’s spell.
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite,
I saw satan laughing with delight
The day the music died

He was singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news,
But she just smiled and turned away.
I went down to the sacred store
Where I’d heard the music years before,
But the man there said the music wouldn’t play.

And in the streets: the children screamed,
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed.
But not a word was spoken;
The church bells all were broken.
And the three men I admire most:
The father, son, and the holy ghost,
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died.

And they were singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
And them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die.
"this’ll be the day that I die."

They were singing,
"bye-bye, miss american pie."
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
Singin’, "this’ll be the day that I die."

Wishful Thinking

2007-08-20T13:14:00.000-07:00

Local Idiot Has Balls Stomped By Elephant
SEATTLE (AP) - A local man was treated and released yesterday for injuries sustained when an elephant stomped on his balls.

An eyewitness at the scene said the victim was walking through a parking lot with some friends when an African Bull Elephant came out of nowhere, knocked him over and "stomped on his balls". "Craziest thing I've ever seen!" said Dave, a local grocery store employee, "I've been working here for years and I've never even seen a deer in our parking lot, let alone an elephant. It just came out of nowhere."

According to the victim's friends, he is a bit of a show-off and had recently taken to keying cars. "We always teased him because he had such small balls, maybe that's why he acts the way he does", said one friend. Doctors say he won't have to worry about that for a while though, "they look a bit like coconuts right now; painful, very painful." They expect him to make a full recovery, except for his voice, which they say appears to have been permanently altered to sound like, "well, like someone who just had their balls stomped on by an elephant."

The victim couldn't be reached for comment at press time. We spoke with his girlfriend over the phone and she said she had no comment other than "I hope his [penis] wasn't involved in the accident as well. He can't stand to have that get any smaller, I can barely feel it as it is", quickly adding, "But I don't blame the elephant though. If I didn't know better, I'd think he had a peanut in his pants too."

-----

Okay, so I made all that up. But if any of you happen to see a news story similar to that, PLEASE let me know. I'd really like to go have a good laugh at the fuckwad that keyed my car over the weekend. Seriously, what is it with you people out here?

My boyfriend's pecker keeps slipping out

2007-08-10T12:02:00.000-07:00

Best SPAM I've had show up in my Junkmail folder in quite some time.

And as if the subject line alone wasn't enough to make me laugh for 10 minutes...wait, no, still laughing about it...15 minutes...the message body sealed its fate as best SPAM of the month.

Chicks always whooped at me and even gentlemans did in the open toilet!
Well, now I hee-haw at them, because I took Me_ga. d_ik.
for 5 months and now my peter is much preponderant than usual.
take up <phishing site removed />

Seriously, do people actually respond to these things? I'm guessing you have to be dumber than the spammer to fall for their shenanigans. And if I'm correct in that assumption, man is this guy scraping the bottom of the ocean...

Sleep mailing?

2007-07-31T11:08:00.001-07:00

If I didn't know any better, I'd think I sent this secret in my sleep or something. So good to see I'm not alone in this. Almost everything I say has been already practiced in my head. So much so, I have a really hard time separating things I've thought about saying and things I've actually said. Often times I'll choose not to say something simply because I can't remember if I already said it or not. So if I ever repeat myself, now you know why...

I'm sure this is also why I'm so much better at "talking" over text-based mediums. Long pauses while I argue with myself about what to say don't seem so weird that way. Unfortunately, the pauses are exaserbated by my compulsion to make sure I've spelled things correctly as well. :)

Curse You

2007-07-16T10:54:00.000-07:00

To the fucktard that was incapable of judging the distance between their car and mine and thereby left a huge dent to remember them by when they opened their door:

May The Poop of 1,000 Houseflies Land on Your Toothbrush.

Psychology Experiment

2007-07-13T12:25:00.000-07:00

This is really really cool. Be sure to watch the whole thing.

http://www.educatedearth.net/video.php?id=3577

Friday Five

2007-07-13T12:20:00.000-07:00

Funny this is about fish this week...

1. Have you ever gone fishing?
I used to go all the time when I was a kid. Any time we went camping and any time we went to our lake cabin. But it's been many years since I did either of those.

2. Do you have an aquarium?
Not personally, no. But there is one in my house.

3. Do you eat fish?
Not very often, I don't like it much at all. I have found that I eat a lot more since moving to Washington though. Night and day difference in quality over what is served in Colorado.

4. Have you ever seen Finding Nemo?
More times than I really care to think. Dorrie is still hilarious every time though.

5. What do you think of Sushi?
I think it is food which isn't done. I don't eat uncooked meat, that's just gross. I do so want to enjoy the vegetarian kind, I love sushi rice and it sounds good with the fresh veggies, but sorry folks, seaweed tastes exactly as good as it sounds. But...given the opportunity to eat that crazy Fugu stuff...I would totally try that.

Office Rule #356

2007-07-12T14:12:00.001-07:00

Bringing in left over fish and reheating it for lunch is NOT okay.

Addendum A: Ignoring rule #356 and also carrying said reheated lunch into an elevator shall be punished with a swift kick to the crotch.

Things

2007-07-09T12:44:00.000-07:00

Things that aren't awesome:
1. Shitty drivers
2. Tourists
3. Num-Lock keys that don't stay "locked"

Things that are:
1. Cool neighbors
2. Absolut Vodka
3. Clean garages

I Dunno

2007-07-09T12:35:00.000-07:00

Think I'm going to have to call shenanigans on this. Seems to me this just wouldn't work, but then, I don't have a cell phone, so maybe I just don't understand.

Don't Blow Yer Fingers Off

2007-07-04T11:27:00.001-07:00

Happy 4th of July! Hopefully I'll have some pictures to post tonight, not sure if I'm going to go see fireworks or not. Nothing close by, not sure how badly I want to drive.

Extreme Photoshop

2007-07-03T10:50:00.000-07:00

Now if only this person would use their powers for evil!

Eye Of The Storm

2007-07-02T13:52:00.000-07:00

Lyrics by The Cruxshadows
Emphasis by me

The trials you now are facing
They are not greater than your will
For there is nothing under heaven
You cannot overcome

See the door that lies before you
And know this too shall pass
The confrontation of your fears
In strength drawn from the past
When the silent voices whisper
Find the course that is your own
And however great the obstacle
You will never be alone

For I have watched the path of angels
And I have heard the heavens roar
There is strife within the tempest
But there is calm in the eye of the storm

In fragments of an instant
The chaos has returned
And all that was left to sentiment
Beneath the banner burned

And as that voice was slow receded
Into echoes, memory
My doubts were re-ignited
And fear awakened from its sleep

I believe in what I fight for
And I have paid for it with pain
I am here because my contributions
May help turn this fate away

And all who stood by and did nothing
Who are they to criticize?
The sacrifices of others
Our blood has bought their lives

This is the moment of truth
At the point of no return
Place faith in your convictions
As the boundaries start to blur

There is no love untouched by hate
No unity without discord
There is no courage without fear
There is no peace without a war
There is no wisdom without regret
No admiration without scorn
There is strife within the tempest
But there is calm in the eye of the storm

The pages of our history
Are written by the hand
With eyes and ears and prejudice
Too far removed to understand

And so the heroes of the ages
Are stripped of honesty and love
To make them seem less noble
And hide what we can become

If you find the courage within you
To face the path ahead
It matters not the outcome
If what you will gain instead
Is a heart deepened in the knowing
That experience carves the soul
And the very thing that empties you
Shall surely make you whole

Where the silent voices whisper
Find the course that is your own
And however great the obstacle
You will never be alone
For I have watched the path of angels
And I have hears the heavens roar
There is strife within the tempest
But calm in the eye of the storm...

Friday Five

2007-06-29T13:08:00.000-07:00

1. What troubles you?
...

2. Do you like thunderstorms?
This is one of the big ticket items I miss about living in Denver.

3. Do you sleep easily or toss and turn?
Don't do much tossing and turning unless I've been heavily drinking. Usually by the time I get to bed I'm near comatose, so sleeping isn't a problem at that point.

4. What do you offer a friend?
True friends are hard to come by. I'd do about anything for them.

5. Friday fill-in: Please don't ___.
Leave me alone.

Flickr Porn

2007-06-27T15:05:00.000-07:00

I guess it was bound to happen someday, but for the first time, after 3 or so years of membership, I logged in and there was nudity in the "Everyone's photos" stream on my main page. Rock!

Mind Gone Wild

2007-06-27T11:28:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream I was headed to the gallows. In the dream I seemed to know why, but at the same time, I didn't know why. My family didn't seem to care much, and I said goodbye to them like I was headed off to work. Maybe they didn't know. I arrived at what seemed to be a house party, full of people I'd known in the past and some others I'd met in passing. Everyone was drinking, but the mood of the room was pretty somber. Somewhere along the way, somebody handed me a gambling marker with a bunch of auto-racing wins on it to give to my family. I didn't want it, but he insisted. One of the girls there apparently wanted me to go out with a bang and stripped us both down in the middle of the room (side note: why is it that I only have sex in dreams?). Nobody seemed to notice. Afterwards, we both grabbed beers and walked out back. Towards the back of the yard and off to the side, some people were finishing the setup of the gallows and I started to wonder what it was going to feel like to hang. A brief amount of time passed and I was led over to a platform. I could see the eyes of everyone around me and could smell the rope as the noose was placed over my head.

Then I woke up. I haven't been so relieved to wake up in quite some time.

No idea what all that means, but wow did it seem real.

Friday Five

2007-06-22T11:08:00.000-07:00

1. Have any road trips planned?
Nope, no road trips in my near future. None in my recent past either.

2. What is out of your reach?
My ceiling.

3. Are you more likely to watch a sunset or the sun rise?
Definitely sunset. The only way I see the sun rise is if I'm still awake from watching the sunset.

4. What night will you never forget?
I can't pick one. Most of my best experiences have happened at night. I could go on all day about them.

5. What's the last thing that made you scream?
Getting headbutted in the nose by a 4 year old. Ow!

6 Seconds

2007-06-21T14:58:00.000-07:00

It only takes a couple of seconds to brighten one's day. To the person who took 6 seconds out of their morning to brighten mine: Thank you!

And yes, me too!

Oh Dear

2007-06-18T10:52:00.000-07:00

Every one of these absolutely cracks me up because they're all something I'd totaly say...looks like I'm going to be on PostSecret someday. Not sure if that's good or bad, so sorry in advance Ava. Although, something tells me you've already figured out that I'm just weird. :)

-----Email Message-----
Sent: Sunday, June 17, 2007 5:12 AM

My dad used to say that inside of the car's air-bags was uncooked popcorn. When you wrecked the popcorn would pop and you would have a snack until help came.

-----Email Message-----
Sent: Sunday, June 17, 2007 6:13 AM

When I was little, my dad told me ATMs worked by having little monkeys inside them. I believed that for years. Now I work in a bank, and wish it were true!

-----Email Message-----
Sent: Sunday, June 17, 2007 6:55 AM

My dad told me the worst swear word you could possibly say was "Bostonian". It meant "someone who has no private parts." My brother and I used the word until we were teenagers and my father giggled every time we said it, right before he sent us to our rooms.

-----Email Message-----
Sent: Sunday, June 17, 2007 8:29 PM

when i was little my dad told me that polyester was a small animal in australia & they would kill it to make clothes. that night i sat in my room reading the labels on my clothes for hours & threw all of the polyester ones away.

-----Email Message-----
Sent: Sunday, June 17, 2007 10:06 PM

When I was little my Dad told me that the tune played by the ice-cream van was the ice-cream man letting everyone know that he'd run out of ice-cream.

-----Email Message-----
Sent: Sunday, June 17, 2007 9:56 AM

When we'd approach exits or toll booths, my father told me the sound the car made when it went over the rumble strips was the car getting angry because I had been bad. I still sit up a little straighter when I hit a rumble strip.

Brilliant!

2007-06-15T12:46:00.001-07:00

I definitely don't have the balls to use these things, but I think they're fucking hilarious.

http://www.roadrage.com/samples.htm

XXX

2007-06-14T16:05:00.000-07:00

New flavor of Vitamin Water from Glaceau. Me likes.

Although, their Revive flavor remains my #1 recommended hangover recovery product.

You Know You're Desperate When

2007-06-13T20:18:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream I went to visit the local jail. Funny enough, Paris was there and pulled me into her cell for a little...something or another.

Now, I'm not saying I wouldn't, but come on subconscious, you can do better than that.

Friday Five

2007-06-08T11:48:00.000-07:00

Well, I actually had some things to talk about this week and just didn't get around to it. Sadly, for them, the moment is gone now. So, a 2 week streak of friday 5 will have to do.

1. Are you attracted to the naughty or the nice?
Y'all oughta know me by now...Naughty.

2. Do you let your dirty laundry pile up?
Unless I really need something clean, I do my laundry when I'm out of stuff to wear.

3. What's the last excuse you made?
I don't make excuses, I offer explanations. ;)

4. Do you play it safe or do you take risks?
I spent most of my youth taking risks. I'm a boring safe person now.

5. Friday fill-in:
Let's go to ____ and ____.
Oh, given #1, so many naughty things to put here. But given #4:
Let's go to the garage and clean.

Friday Five

2007-06-01T15:54:00.000-07:00

Been a little while so jumping in on Friday Five this week...

1. What year were you born?
'74

2. Who do you like to hug?
My teddy bear^*

3. Do you runaway or face your problems?
I'm a big avoider.

4. How much cash do you have on you?
Rarely carry cash anymore. $7 I believe.

5. Friday fill-in:
I know exactly how to ____.
Successfully procrastinate any given task.

^*I don't have a teddy bear

Trust Me On This

2007-05-30T12:17:00.000-07:00

I stumbled across my new favorite ice cream over the weekend. There's this place not far from my house that makes a lot of small batch ice cream/frozen custard/Gelato. If you're really interested: Go Here. Anyway, they had a new flavor that I never thought would have been good, but Oh My GOD...

Jack Daniel's Ice Cream

Heavenly.

New blog?

2007-05-30T12:11:00.000-07:00

I oughta change the name of this thing to Isn't it Ironic? But then, I really don't like Alanis Morissette much at all. Although...

Anyway, this week's edition is brought to us by the UK.

LONDON - A British artist has eaten chunks of a Corgi dog, the breed favored by Queen Elizabeth II, live on radio to protest against the royal family's treatment of animals.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18937826/?GT1=9951

Can't Stop Laughing

2007-05-23T16:30:00.000-07:00

On one hand, I can't stop laughing that Apple is having mocking advertisement problems given their "I'm a PC / I'm a Mac" ad campaign (which has gotten extremely fucking old btw). On the other hand, well, there is no other hand. This product is brilliant! I'm going to start handing them out to friends.

(source http://www.macworld.co.uk/news/index.cfm?newsid=18110)

High street adult retailer Ann Summers has landed itself in a heap of trouble with Apple.

The retail chain has been promoting a £30 sex toy called the iGasm, a device which connects to any music player and offers users an erotic vibrating treat in time to the beat.

A News of the World report claims Apple is furious about Ann Summer's promotion of the device, and is demanding all posters for the gadget be taken down, under threat of court action.

The neon-pink posters depict an underwear-clad female silhouette holding an oval white device with two cables - one connected to a pair of white headphones, the other heading down toward the female's knickers.

The sales pitch urges music fans to: "Go at it hard and fast with a pounding drum 'n' bass track or chill with an ambient classic."

Apple is claiming the ad to be an abuse of the silhouette-based images it uses in its own advertising.

Ann Summers hasn't bowed to Apple's threats, the report explains.

Stupid People

2007-05-21T10:19:00.000-07:00

Hey stupid people...you're stupid.

So I went to see Shrek The Third this weekend (save your $ BTW), and here's what I ordered from the concession stand:

1 Bottle Water
1 Large Drink
1 Medium Drink
1 Small Popcorn
1 Large Popcorn
1 Bag Twizzlers

When everything is assembled on the counter, the moron behind the register actually asks me (mind you, I'm standing there by myself):

"Do you want a tray to carry that?"

No dude, that's okay, I'm an octopus...

Irony Strikes Again

2007-05-21T10:18:00.001-07:00

Duuuude, I'm such an environmentallist I don't even own a car!
But you make your friend drive you everywhere.
But...
But what?
Duuuude, I'm way more of an environmentallist than him, I don't even own a car!

Friday Five

2007-05-11T11:03:00.001-07:00

1. What do you obsess about?
Sex

2. What do you do for a living?
Sex

3. Where do you call home?
Sex

4. Have you lived up to your parents' expectations?
Sex

5. Are we more likely to find you in a coffee bar or a nightclub?
Sex

Wow

2007-04-24T15:29:00.000-07:00

I may fall on the right side of the fence, but even I can spot a complete idiot. Jesus Christ Arkansas, I sure hope this was a joke...

http://www.nctexasbirds.com/images/hot_news.jpg

PostSecret

2007-04-24T11:41:00.000-07:00

Aside from their tendancy to post NSFW images, oh how I love my weekly dose of PostSecret. (Not that I'm against NSFW images mind you, in fact the total opposite, it's just that I usually remember to check Postsecret when I'm at work :)

Anyway, it's always comforting, or amusing, to see people that have the same secrets that I do. This week offered an amusing one:

Please, oh please. Just once...

Friday Five

2007-04-20T14:49:00.000-07:00

Wow, this one takes some thought.

1. How are you stereotypically female?
I can bake quite well and know how to iron. That's probably stereotypical enough.

2. How are you stereotypically male?
I'm good with my hands.

3. What parts of you do you consider unclassifiable as either gender?
Okay, I've spent more than 5 minutes on this question. I have no idea.

4. Do you think you are primarily male, female, or neither in characteristics?
Definitely male.

5. If you could be born as any gender, knowing the gender prejudices as they are now, which would you choose to be?
Yeah, I'm going to say I'd stick with what I've got. The only thing that would make me switch to female is that it would be fun to know that I could walk into any bar, at any time, and be assured of getting laid if I so chose. Free drinks would be nice too. :P

Sucky Suckerson

2007-04-16T15:45:00.000-07:00

Did you ever want something really really bad? And then just when you think you might get it...you don't?

Yeah, that sucks.

High-Speed Photography

2007-04-04T12:05:00.000-07:00

God I love this kind of stuff. Wish I had one of those cameras.

Coffee Meets Milk

Madonna

2007-04-02T14:24:00.000-07:00

I hate it when she's right.

Put away your past
Love will never last
If you're holding on
To a dream that's gone

Sad really...

Procrastination, AKA Friday Five

2007-03-30T12:17:00.000-07:00

1. What web browser do you use?
IE 7...poo on Firefox.

2. What email client do you use?
Outlook or Web Outlook

3. What type of Internet connection do you have at home?
Fast

4. What kinda of computer do you have?
Which one? I use 7 different ones at home...

5. When did you first get 'online'?
I honestly can't remember. When were modems invented?

First Post!

2007-02-19T14:37:00.000-08:00

Yes, just kidding, but it sure feels like it.

Anyway, had a lot on my mind lately, some interesting, some not so interesting, but finally found something that I just had to post about. Actually several things, but I'll just go with the annoying one for now.

So, ladies, we need to have a little chat. There's been a recent trend to purposly walk around looking all silly-like. Now, I know that may sound like a bit of a shock to you, but it's true. Or, at least, I think it is. I do know a few offenders personally, and I'm not trying to hurt feelings, but somebody's got to say it...

THESE ARE UGGLY!

I mean, seriously not attractive. At all. That whole pants tucked into boots thing is just...well I've had enough of it. I was at the mall this weekend and saw no less than 10 people wearing these things. All with pants tucked in and looking all silly-like. I thought I was going to scream. To put it another way, would you wear these?

If you said yes, well...screw you! :P

I know, I know. Yeah, moon boots were cool in Napolean Dynamite. But that's a MOVIE. Ask yourself this: Was Napolean himself cool? No. Funny, yes. Cool, definitely not. I know it seems like a good idea to dress in a style after him. But when you really get down to brass tacks and look in the mirror...seriously, it doesn't look good.

If I have yet to convince you, maybe this will help:

"...in Australasia [where these things come from], bogans and members of related subcultures are generally the only people who wear them in public."

What's a bogan you ask?

Bogan (pronounced /ˈbəʉ.gn/, rhyming with slogan) is an Australian and New Zealand English slang term, generally pejorative, for a person who is, or is perceived to be, unsophisticated or of a lower class background. According to the stereotype, the speech and mannerisms of "bogans" indicate poor education and uncultured upbringing.

So, enjoy your boots you super-trendy gals, I'll be laughing along with the Aussies!!

PS- No, I don't care that [some celebrity] wears them.

Almost Enough To Turn A Guy Vegetarian

2006-11-30T20:48:00.000-08:00

So I'm a big fan of hot food.

I'm also a big fan of sausage type food.

So what could possibly be better than hot sausage food?

Well, let me just tell you...

I stopped by the gas station tonight to fill up the car before tomorrow (something I actually rarely do) and decided to pay inside so I could grab a RockStar to enjoy on the rest of my drive home. Just before I made it to the counter, the rack of salty meat products caught my eye. On top of the rack, like it had a red blinking light on it, was something advertised as a screamin' hot jalapeno pickled sausage. Ding ding ding, we have a winner!

I grabbed that puppy without a thought, paid for all my stuff and headed back to the car. It looked like such a tasty treat. There was a little red greasy oil in the package which seemed to just yell out yum yum sausage. It looked like it had a nice crisp casing to it and I was ready to chow down.

So I tear open the package, push the sausage out a bit, open my RockStar and start driving. Just as I'm pulling out onto the street, I take a bite of the what I'll now call "sausage".

OH MY GOD.

It was easily the most vile thing I've ever put in my mouth. Honestly, it's a very good thing there weren't any cars coming at me from either direction because I surely would have crashed into them as I reeled from the nastyness which had polluted my mouth and attempted to roll the window down so I could puke the thing out of my mouth.

Have you ever wondered what it might be like to take a bite out of one of these? This putrid stick of something I can't rightfully even call food had the consistency of just like what you'd think a snausage would be like, only 10x nastier.

If gross were a noun I'd say that whatever place (that the health department should seriously investigate) made these things, took a big bag of crumbled gross, threw it into a mold and then pressed the gross until it resembled a yummy sausage. But under all the frilly looks, it would still just be a bunch of gross.

Forced to choose between the two, I'd suck a dick before I'd take another bite out of one of those things. To make things even worse, since it was in a plastic wrapper, I couldn't just throw it out the window...O but I was tempted. And I couldn't just set it down because it would leak disgustingness all over the car. So I had to hold the damn thing all the way home, constantly getting a glimpse of this giant snausage with a bite out of it. That nasty oil got all over my fingers and even after getting home and scrubbing my hands I can still smell the stuff now. Every time I blink my eyes I can see it sitting in my hand and feel the sickness of it on my tongue. Ug!!!

Anyway, to answer my origional question...when it comes from a gas station, ANYTHING! I cann't even say how sick I feel right now. I don't know if I'll ever eat again.

No Friggin' Way!

2006-11-30T20:42:00.000-08:00

http://www.thinkgeek.com/tshirts/generic/8753/

Been a while

2006-11-20T15:23:00.000-08:00

Haven't had a meh post in a while, so......MEH!@!1!

Help Us Obi Wan, You're Our Only Hope

2006-11-01T11:58:00.000-08:00

I don't care who you are, that's funny right there.

I Hate Election Years

2006-10-13T10:47:00.000-07:00

October is the best month out of the year because it's the only month that houses Halloween! I hate it when things get in the way of my enjoyment of the season, and that's why I despise election years. All those damn posters everywhere, radio commercials, tv commercials. ARG! Imagine if they did all this BS in December every other year and fucked up Christmas for everybody.

Anyway, in honor of all the crap I have to put up with this time of year, I decided it was finally time to put forth my ultimate political solution. The only possible way to solve all the crap we get rained down on us from Washington and local capital buildings. You may totally disagree, but I think it's brilliant.

Are you ready? I can sum it up in 1 word.

Bums.

That's right, bums. As in homeless people.

So, what we need to do is, immediatly cease all political campaigning and gather up all of the bums. Next we send every existing person in a significant political office home and replace them with a bum. It doesn't matter which one goes where, but we should probably filter out the really crazy ones and appoint them as ambassadors. You know, to scare folks off a bit. "Don't mess with those American folks, they're craaaaaaazy!" And the rest can draw lots for positions here.

As a bonus, this would even solve two major US problems at the same time: Homelessness AND Political Fucktardery!

I know you're thinking it can't possibly be that simple. It can't possibly be better this way. Well, how could it be worse? Lets draw a few comparisons:

Most politicians don't have much else better to do. Bums have nothing to do.
Politicians love to hear themselves and just...won't...stop...talking. Wander around downtown for a while and you'll get the same thing from the homeless folk.
Bums don't like to work. Honestly, come on, politicians don't work.
Politicians make careers out of asking for money. Uh, do I really need to make the comparison here?

I could list more, but seriously, those are the main qualifications to being a politician: lots of free time, talk a lot, do little and ask for money. Am I wrong?

Now, since we know they have the same basic qualifications, why are bums the better choice? A few simple reasons:

Bums are very good at managing little money. They don't need a billion dollars to figure out why birds shit on park benches.
100% clean slate. Bums have no existing relationships in government and don't "owe any favors". (really, this is fixed with any sort of clean slate, but I still think bums are the best choice)
Bums absolutely know what it's like to get fucked by the system.
Bums can actually relate to people with middle and lower incomes. If you think that ANYONE who has the money to run for any significant political office can honestly relate to the average American person, well, we're going to have some US Ambassador positions opening soon.

So there you have it, my solution to making my October's enjoyable again.

Elect nobody in '06! Pick a bum!

(technically speaking, even if you don't follow my advice, it's what we're going to get anyway)

Friday Five

2006-10-13T10:31:00.000-07:00

Been a while, I always seem to forget until it's Saturday.

1. The time:
10:26 am

2. The weather:
Rather foggy, 53°

3. The big news story:
Hmm, I'm a bit out of it today. I heard that Mannheim Steamroller has some new Halloween CD's out. Going to have to locate those. On a related note, interesting Mannheim fact if you don't already know, they're comprised of the members of the old Metal band Savatage. Funny thing, although they couldn't be more different, I dig both bands.

4. Your favorite hangout:
Garage.

5. The must-have accessory:
Black.
What? I can call it an accessory if I want to. :P

What The Fuck?

2006-10-11T14:34:00.000-07:00

Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?

Have you ever stumbled across something that just made absolutely no sense? And I don't mean your typical WTF, I mean it 100% stops you in your tracks, smacks you upside the head, whips you around and literally floors you. Like something you could never, ever imagine unless you saw it with your own eyes. And even then, you can't believe you're actually seeing it. Have ya?

Well I just did.

I stumbled across the website for an old ex from college a several years ago and every now and then, when I'm bored, I pop in so see the latest picture news...just to satisfy my own morbid curiosities. I won't go into the what, why or how's of all that, but let's just say that whole saga would be a very long (and honestly quite intersting) story. Every now and then when I'm alone in the dark I still get a little pang over that one. But that's not the point here.

Anyway, so obviously people change over time, but what I just saw...I...I just can't fathom it. Back in college, this girl was the epitomy of Goth. I mean, Goth to the absolute core. In fact, she's the one that really solidified that scene in me. Even my mother, the nicest, most June Cleaver person you'll ever meet, used to refer to her as Morticia...behind both of our backs, but I laugh about it now that I know ;). From the pictures I'd seen in the past, she'd obviously changed quite a bit from the person that I used to know. And frankly, I have a pretty good idea why (yes, there IS a compelling why to this one), but I'm not the spiteful person I used to be that would lay out the reason for all of you anymore. So yeah, I knew she'd changed a bit. I'm sure I have too. But this...this is just crazy.

What I saw was, pictures from her birthday party this year. There was a theme to the party, and it wasn't one of those joking around type themes. This was an honest, "here's what I'd like everyone to do" themes. What was it?

Seriously, I can hardly bring myself to say it.

It was a Country theme. Complete with cowboy hats and everything. Fucking Country theme!

I know, big deal you say. I mean, I know several people who this would be totally cool for, and I have nothing against it. But for HER to do this. Go from this beautifully perfect Gothic soul to a Country gal... I guess you'd have had to of known her in college. But think of it like if tomorrow somebody showed you a picture of Osama hugging Anna Nicole, or Hillary Clinton blowing George Bush.

I am beyond shocked. Truly un-fucking-believable.

I gotta go, the world doesn't make sense anymore.

Fortune

2006-10-04T14:00:00.000-07:00

Shew, I'm way behind on these.

Wednesday super fortune dump in reverse chronological order (newest first):

Something on four wheels will soon be a fun investment for you!

Translation: Repeat. Lame.

A friend will soon reveal an exciting secret to you.

Translation: Repeat. Lame. (Still waiting on the last one)

You will do better in real estate than in stocks.

Translation: True actually. My current house is doing quite well. Thanks crazy ass Washington housing market!

Your charm has inspired a secret admirer.

Translation: Wish these secret admirer's would step up sometime.

You will soon be receiving sound spoken advice. Listen!

Translation: Still waiting on that one.

Your respect for others will be your ticket to success.

Translation: Or my ability to ride on shoulders.

You will find your solution where you least expect it.

Translation: True. I always do. Funny thing is, "where I least expect it" always ends up being the most obvious place.

Something on 4 wheels will soon be a fun investment for you!

Translation: No shit, I got this fortune the week before I got the mini-van. At that time I had no idea on the car purchase. Turns out, the thing IS growing on me. After a few trips to Home Depot, it's advantages became quite clear.

You will have many friends when you need them.

Translation: I think I do.

You may be called upon to help a friend.

Translation: Waiting.

Back Home

2006-09-26T13:51:00.000-07:00

Got to see some of the cool kids last week when I was in Denver. Always the hilight of my trips there. Thanks to all!

So check this out...

I'm not much of a social person, so whenever I take a flight anywhere I pretty much keep to myself unless it's absolutely necessary to acknowledge someone else, e.g. "you're in my seat". I always get a window seat and hop on the plane as soon as possible so I can Establish My Space and commence reading Popular Mechanics or staring out the window. Then of course once the ding goes off for reaching 10,000 feet, I pull out the laptop and watch a movie for the remainder of the flight.

But, backing up a little bit, while I'm hanging out in the terminal before the flight I do a fair amount of people watching. People always act differently in airports, it's kind of interesting. Plus you just get such a MIX of people in there. I also keep an eye out for hotties that might be on my plane. What!? Just being honest... Anyway, I'm always hoping I hit the airplane lottery and seat 14B (or whatever) will end up occupied by one of them. Never happens of course. Not that it would really matter, cuz I would never talk to them anyway. But you know, it's just one of those things you hope for. Okay, so maybe it's just me... But you got to admit, it's a million times better than Sweaty Pits Big Butt whom I usually get stuck with.

So back to my most recent flight, I got to the airport pretty late and couldn't really do my normal pre-flight routine, if you can call it that. So pretty much I got to the gate and got on the plane about 5 minutes later. I really wasn't in the people mood (surprise), so had my headphones on and headed directly to my seat. It was in the way back of the plane, so it was a good walk. And things didn't start out well...I had to acknowledge someone because they were sitting in the aisle seat already. But I got to my window and settled into my normal thing: read a magazine (this time it happened to be Popular Science) and listen to music till the door closes. Turn off music, keep reading. Wait for ding. Pull out laptop, watch that till landing ding. Go back to reading. Land. Turn on music. Get off the plane. I tell ya, if you want to avoid people, I've got it down!

Anyway, sometime during the remainder of the boarding, someone sat in the middle seat, but I wasn't really paying a lick of attention. Even less so than usual. I was doing good to even notice they sat down I guess. For whatever reason, I thought it was just some dude and stuck to the routine. I never even looked in that direction the entire flight except to decline my 1/2 cup of soda and .0001 oz bag of that stink-up-your-breath stuff they call a snack. So I flew in my own personal blissful solitude and enjoyed every minute of it. As much as you can sitting in coach anyway. Things were just fine until we landed and arrived at the gate.

Once we got there, I started paying just a little more attention so I knew when it was my turn to get in line to exit the plane and that's when I noticed the person next to me was kinda...curvy. On closer inspection, not only was my neighbor NOT a dude, my neighbor was a total fucking knockout.

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRG!

End of story.

Exciting huh?

Suck.

Ah Irony, You're Such an Interesting Character

2006-09-18T11:25:00.000-07:00

So that pope guy gives a lecture on violence in religion where he quotes some medieval writings that pointed to the fact that Mohammed promoted violence.

In response comes this, from some extremist whackos:

"The Muslims take their religion very seriously and non-Muslims must appreciate that and that must also understand that there may be serious consequences if you insult Islam and the prophet."

"Whoever insults the message of Mohammed is going to be subject to capital punishment."

"I think that warning needs to be understood by all people who want to insult Islam and want to insult the prophet of Islam."

And in other parts of the world:

A nun killed in protest.
Churches attacked.
Extremists vow war on "worshipers of the cross".
etc...etc...etc...

So. Now. Could someone please help me understand why what the pope had to say wasn't 100% accurate and still true today.......

I am really tired of all this over-sensitive religious bullshit. It happens with all of them, but this case finally really struck that last nerve with me. I mean, how often is Christianity, quite literally, shit on? How often do people like Madonna openly mock Catholisim? I don't see anyone saying that blasphemers and Madonna's must be executed.

You can go on and on about Islam being a peaceful religion. But, given all history, NO religion is peaceful. None. I know that that majority of Muslims do not agree with the violence, but I never see any drastic steps to distance themselves from those that have taken their religion and used it as a weapon. I'm not saying this is an easy thing to do, but something really needs to happen here if we're all to move forward. You never see the extremest sects distancing themself from the rest of Islam. They want everyone to believe they are all united as one. True leaders need to step forward and firmly and openly denounce things such as this.

You can tell me until you're blue in the face that a rattlesnake is calm and peaceful. But you'll never convince me that poking one with a stick is a good idea.

Religions should not be rattlesnakes. Lashing out is not a way to make people understand.

For the record, I pretty much feel that all religions can shove it. For all sorts of reasons, including all of the above. Find me one that isn't corrupt, crazy, hypocrytical, political or violent and maybe I'll listen.

1 Month

2006-09-05T15:41:00.000-07:00

Been a month. No, I'm not dead. No, I'm not posting anything interesting today either.

Auto-blog

2006-08-04T14:42:00.000-07:00

I'd totally forgoteen about this thing until today. I do have a blog that updates everyday! Well, my Xbox 360 does anyway...

Pretty funny, check it out.

Friday Five

2006-08-04T13:20:00.000-07:00

Jeez, this is like all I'm doing anymore...

1. When is the last time your phone rang in the middle of the night?
Depends on the definition of middle of the night, but my brother called pretty late a few weeks ago.

2. Who makes you yell?
Stupid people.

3. What do you do for fun?
Xbox comes to mind.

4. What hours do you work/go to school?
When I get there till when I go home.

5. Who is number one in your life?
Jesus

Friday Five

2006-07-28T15:54:00.000-07:00

1. Do you smoke?
I wish I had a smoker. My brother makes a killer smoked chicken.

2. Are you more likely to be caught humming, whistling or singing to yourself?
Sort of humming. I'm very often teased for my habit of mumbling "do d'dooo" when I'm doing stuff, like taking pictures.

3. Have you ever been to New Orleans?
Three times. I LOVE that town.

4. When is the last time you saw the sun rise?
A few trips to Denver ago. Morning flights kill me.

5. Can you swim?
Can you breathe?

Haven't Been Paying Attention

2006-07-27T16:10:00.000-07:00

Been sort of out of it lately and I missed a tag a week or so ago. Playing catch up...

The 5 Things Thing:

5 Things always in my "laptop bag":
Well, seeings how I never have the thing unless I'm traveling:
1-Laptop (duh)
2-Itinerary
3-Hangover cure of sorts
4-Chapstick (cuz Denver is dry as fuck)
5-MP3 Player

5 Things always in my wallet:
(I'm not going to bother with the boring stuff)
1-A Far Side cartoon. Not sure why, cuz it's not even that good. But it's been in there for at least 8 years.
2-A shred of paper with an old password on it. Been there as long as I can remember. I can't even remember what the password was for.
3-A list of home, cell and office numbers for everyone in the department I used to work for. Most of the numbers are no longer valid, and in fact, most of the folks on the list don't even work there anymore. Including me.
4-Part of my access braclet for the resort I stayed at in St. Lucia.
5-Carnival Cruise line passenger ID card.
6-Getting the picture here?

5 Things always in my refrigerator:
1-Beer
2-Hot Sauce
3-Coke (the cola)
4-Leftovers that I will never eat, but always save anyway.
5-Cottage Cheese (Ava's favorite)

5 Things always in my closet:
1-Clothes
2-Boxes
3-Rambo III style hunting knife. (yes, it even says Rambo III on it)
4-Porno (what?)
5-Junk

5 Things always in my car:
1-Gas
2-Jumper cables
3-Umbrella
4-Squeegee
5-Trash

5 (or more) Things always on my desk:
I wouldn't even know where to start. I'll take a picture before I clean it and you'll see what I mean.

5 people i'm tagging...
Nope. Everybody I know tagged already.

Lighten Up

2006-07-27T15:35:00.000-07:00

Okay, time for a good laugh for a change. In case you haven't seen it yet, this is a riot. I'm assuming the guys in the video are the real people themselves. Whoever thought this sketch up was brilliant.

It must be weird really knowing these guys. Especially the Disney guy.

If you're having trouble placing them, just close your eyes and listen. :)

Into Music Lately

2006-07-24T15:08:00.000-07:00

Well, okay, so I'm always really into music, so nothing special there. Just have had a lot of songs hit home for me lately. I just listened to one of the sadder ones I've heard in a while. I'm not sitting on an airplaine right now, but wow, I just about teared up over this one. The lyrics are pretty powerful on their own, but really pack a punch with the way the song is done.

Assemblage 23
30kft.

Hello, if you're there pick up the phone
I'm calling from 30,000 feet above you
The captain's just informed us that our plane is going down
So I'm calling for one last time to say I love you

I'm not certain how much time I may have left, so I'll be brief
I'm sorry if this message only amplifies your grief
But I couldn't bear the burden of never having said goodbye
And the pain you feel, I promise you, will go away with time

I'm sorry I won't be there to see our children grow
Please tell them that I loved them more than they will ever know
Tell my family and friends how much I loved them all as well
I'm sure that we will meet again, but only time will tell

I'm sorry most of all I won't be there when you grow old
To be there by your side and keep you warm when you are cold
Forgive me, but I think my time is drawing to a close
So I've one last thing to tell you now before I have to go

I...

Song of the Week

2006-07-14T17:22:00.000-07:00

Legion by VNV Nation
(live version)

Enveloped in a sentiment,
a sound that rushes over me.
Engage an impulse to pretend
I have a faith as pure.
Not forgetting what it means to dream.
Indulging everything.
Entertaining thoughts that I've the strength
of those I yearn to be.
Cheers and tribute greet the saviours.
Reckless thoughts survive.
Anachronistic and impulsive.

And what will happen?
Will I dream?
I am too scared to close my eyes.
For a second please hold me.
None can change in me these things that I believe.
But I don't know what happens now.
I am too scared to close my eyes.

Friday Five

2006-07-14T11:29:00.000-07:00

Name the last person you...

1. Hugged:
Ava

2. Smiled at:
Ava

3. Deceived:
Ava
"Why, it's special candy of course!"
(How else do you get kids to take vitamins?)

4. Glared at:
Ava

5. Lusted after:
Okay, definitely not Ava. That goes beyond wrong.
But still, no comment.
There are a few pictures somewhere here. Good luck.

Rockstarred

2006-07-12T11:02:00.000-07:00

Looks like I've got a new crush of the week. With all of these singing shows that have been on the past few years, I've never felt myself truly pulling for someone until now. I'm not quite sure what it is, her voice, her look, something, but Dilana has me totally enthralled. Based on the first few performances, I think the Supernova guys would be crazy not to pick her, but even if they don't, I see a big future for her. Actually, she oughta be singing Goth. I'd pick up her album in a second.

She did the coolest cover of Ring of Fire I've ever heard last night (video).

Friday Five

2006-07-08T00:25:00.000-07:00

So I'm 20 minutes late, sue me. :P

1. When you were a child, what was your favorite game to play?
Tie My Brother to the Tree

2. What is your favorite game to play right now?
About anything on the Xbox will hold my attention.

3. Can you share a good story about playing with others or yourself?
Oh come on, this question is just tooooooo easy to have fun with...

4. What do you do for ~~play time~~ fun now?
This question bears quite a resemblance to #2.

5. If you were able to invent a game, what would you call it?
If It Feels Good, Do It To Me

Friday Five

2006-06-30T16:32:00.000-07:00

1. How many foreign countries have you visited?
In order of appearance:
France
Honduras
St. Lucia
Jamaica (mon)
Grand Cayman
Mexico
Canada

2. What do you always take with you on vacation?
Tunes.

3. Name something you've lost recently:
Oddly enough, my sunglasses. Left them on a ferry. I've since bought new ones though...spiffy Oakley jobs. Yeah, I'm lame now. But I can see again.

4. Do you prefer action packed vacations or relaxing ones?
Relaxed, of course.

5. Other people's vacation photographs: do you really want to see them?
Totally enjoy them.

I Have A Big But

2006-06-28T16:26:00.000-07:00

No, not that kind of butt, the other but. Although I'm still working on a post somewhat regarding the former too...

Anyway, don't you love it when you have one of those Ah Ha! moments? What do they call that, an epiphany? Well, I had one today. Nothing all that special, but I did figure something out about myself today. You know you're hard to get when you usually don't get yourself. The thing is, I'm a pretty poor decision maker. That's not to say I often make poor decisions (well, maybe I do), I'm just bad at making ANY decisions. And I just figured out why.

I'm too damn analytical. Which has it's plusses and minuses I guess. And that brings me to the epiphany: I can't make decisions because I can always see both sides of things fairly well. For those of you that know me, think back to all the conversations we've had.

I'll wait a second...........

Okay, so, how many times have you heard me talk about an idea and have it go something like this: "here's an idea...bla bla bla...BUT..." ? I just realized I do it ALL the time.

You don't know it, but I'm actually doing it right now. I don't know how to end this post, so I don't know if I should just keep revising it or adding to it. Revising it could make it better, BUT it won't end it. Adding to it probably won't make it better, BUT it could get me closer to ending it.

There's always a but, and that's why I can't decide.

No Fucking Way

2006-06-26T13:40:00.000-07:00

Seriously? You can't seriously be serious? Come on, pickles? PICKLES?

Pickle Phobia

Balloons is pretty funny too:

Balloon Phobia

In A Dark Place

2006-06-26T02:07:00.000-07:00

Not only is this a great song musically, the lyrics are quite appropriate right now. I love Gary Numan.

Something calls me
From a dark place

And so I pray every night

Something knows me
It whispers my name
And I'm losing my faith

I can feel it breathing
But it feels like something dead and cold

I can feel it waiting
But it waits for something in my soul

Sometimes I call out for you, and sometimes I'm afraid
Sometimes I call out for you, and sometimes I'm afraid
Sometimes I call out for you, and sometimes I'm afraid
Sometimes I call out for you, and sometimes I'm afraid

So I beg God
For salvation, for an angel
Every night

And I ask God
Can He forgive me?
And I want to believe

I think I hear it laughing
But it sounds like my voice lost and old

I think it showed me Heaven
And now I know why I'm scared to die

Am I a fool in the dark, I don't know
Am I the ghost in my dreams, I don't know
Am I a shadow of life, I don't know
Am I afraid of the truth, I don't know

Sometimes I call out for you, and sometimes I'm afraid
Sometimes I call out for you, and sometimes I'm afraid
Sometimes I call out for you, and sometimes I'm afraid
Sometimes I call out for you, and sometimes I'm afraid

So I ask for
One small mercy?
But it whispers 'Who are you?'

So I ask God
If she can save me?
He says 'It's all too dark'

It All Makes Sense Now

2006-06-20T15:02:00.000-07:00

Quickie before I run out the door cuz I keep forgetting to post it. I knew there was a reason behind my abnormality. Guess I'm not all that strange after all. Sucks that Migraines carry a double whammy though.

People who suffer migraines have a higher sex drive.

Vacation Over

2006-06-20T15:01:00.000-07:00

Now it's off to Denver. See ya'll tomorrow.

PostSecret

2006-06-12T13:13:00.000-07:00

I've really got to get out and meet more hippies:

I can understand how rough it is always having to settle for those ponytail metrosexuals, but everything's going to be okay hippy chicks, I'm here for you. ;)

(just wash the patchouli off first please, if I wanted to hump a pile of musty dirt I'd just walk out to my back yard)

Rollin' With Saget

2006-06-12T10:41:00.000-07:00

Need some good Monday humor? This is the first time I've ever laughed at Bob Saget. Sure wish I knew the story behind this video, but man is it fucking funny. Catchy too.

Jamie Kennedy - Rollin with Saget (unedited)

The illest mother-fucker in a cardigan sweater!

Note: I think they goofed a bit in the video. At 1:04 it looks to me like they're drinking Cristal, not Dom Pérignon. :)

Today

2006-06-06T14:37:00.000-07:00

Happy 6.6.06 everybody.

Shout. Shout. Shout. Shout at the devil!

or something.

Friday Five

2006-06-02T12:45:00.000-07:00

Ah, finally, a Friday Five I can really get behind.

Favorite phrase when you have:

1. Ate food that tastes bad
"Ugh, that's fucking nasty"

2. Stubbed your toe
"ow, fffffuuuuCCCCCK!"

3. Become frustrated
"What the fuck?"

4. Broken something
"God DAMNIT!" or the ever-popular "FUCK!"

5. Been cut off by another driver
Not fit for human ears.

Loserville - Population: Me

2006-05-30T00:44:00.000-07:00

It's done. Over. Finished. The last thread of my being has been snipped, my life has come to an end. I'm officially a 100% suburbanized loser.

(with clicky goodness) Got everything except the navigation system. God damn, I feel like such a chode.

At least the good news is, we get one fuck of a good discount on Honda's through work.

Friday Five

2006-05-26T13:32:00.001-07:00

Been a few weeks...too busy lately.

1. Where did you grow up?
Littleton, Colorado

2. Have you ever been to Indiana?
Nope, but I know some people that used to live there.

3. Describe yourself at age 18:
Fit, bored, (very) rebellious and oversexed.

4. How do you deal with pain?
Good drugs.

5. When is the last time you screwed up?
I screw up every day, it's good for you. The kicker is making it look like you actually intended it.

This Shouldn't be the Answer

2006-05-23T15:27:00.000-07:00

I do not know what the thoughts were in your head, but I am deeply saddened that they led to this. Rest in Peace Neil. Rest in Peace.

Suicide Commando
Cause of Death: Suicide

Each year, approximately 1 million people die from suicide.
Each year, approximately 1 million people die from suicide.
Each year, approximately 1 million people die from suicide.

One Death
One Try
Are you sure?
Do you really want to Die?
One life One cry
Go away
Your nothing but a lie
One shot
And you'll die
In the Head
In the center of the eyes
One Gun
One Try
My God.
Do you really want to die?

Do you really want to die?
One death
One Try
Are you sure?
Do you really want to Die?
One step
One try
On the edge
Do you really want to try?
One tempt
One cry
I cant cope
I no longer want this life
One rope
One try
My god.
Do you really want to die?

Do you really want to die?
Do you?

Retained

2006-05-23T13:39:00.000-07:00

So in some ways, not having an Xbox isn't so bad. I'm actually getting some stuff done these days that I otherwise probably wouldn't. That's not to say I don't miss the hell out of the 360, cuz I do, but at least I've found something to replace it.

Case in point, new retaining wall I built over the weekend. I figured for sure this would be a 1 day project. Three days later... I'm actually almost done, getting my dirt delivered today to backfill everything and then 20 trees show up on Thursday. Really looking forward to carting 6 cubic yards of dirt from the driveway to the backyard by myself. Go muscles, GO!!

Injuries racked up over the weekend:

Sunburn
Sledgehammered hand
Twice
Hacksawed finger
Cut arm
Cut other arm
Bruised arm
Cut hand
Cracked thumb
Cut leg

Ahhhhh...typical project. ;)

Half-Nekkid Thursday - Mere Shadow Edition

2006-05-17T23:37:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you just feel like an old weathered shadow.

It's difficult enough when you live in someone else's, but how do you cope with living in your own?

R.I.P.

2006-05-12T15:24:00.000-07:00

My Xbox 360 died last night. Excuse me while I go cry in the corner for a while.

Fortune

2006-05-11T15:44:00.000-07:00

Apparently I've gone back to forgetting about HNT again. At least I keep remembering to grab a fortune cookie when I get stir fry...

You have a charming way with
words. Tomorrow write a letter.

Translation: Cool, maybe I should write my lawyer about collecting millions from Sesame Street.

Oh What a Week

2006-05-09T16:37:00.000-07:00

I totally know how this guy feels right now.

Best Product Launch Evah!

2006-05-04T13:46:00.000-07:00

Introducing the Norelco Bodygoom.

The Bodygroom can make your *beep* look bigger.

http://www.shaveeverywhere.com/

I swore this was a joke till I found them for sale on Amazon.com. You must try out all of the menu items, this whole site is brilliantly hilarious.

Songs That Make You Smile

2006-05-03T11:32:00.000-07:00

I've been digging deep into the music collection lately and just fired up some Lords of Acid. Nothing like some X-rated Acid House to get the body moving. I hadn't listened to them in a while and I'd forgotten how much I like their Lust album. I have some very fond memories of cranking up this album in the dorm back in college and doing...stuff.

Arguably I Sit on Acid is the best track on the album ("Darling come hee-re, fuck me up the...?") but I Must Increase My Bust always gives me a good grin.

Do that dance!

I must, I must, I must increase my bust (x4)

I got to admit I'm obsessed by tits
I had this problem since I was a kid
I used to look up to my auntie Marie
'cause she had big tits hanging down to her knees
Her nipples were poking right out of her gown
If boobs gave you wings she'd be flying around
As I grew older I made up my mind
I'd get me the biggest ones I could find

Do that dance!

I must, I must, I must increase my bust (x4)

Do that dance!

I must, I must, I must increase my bust (x4)

My ass just got bigger, my boobs stayed the same
I had to do something 'cause I was ashamed
I filled up my bra with mellons and see
I looked like a fagot, a vamp in 3d.
The trick with the mellons, a shot in the eye
Not long did I wait to catch the first guy
But of course I forgot that mellons do rot
I smelled like garbage, shit warmed up

Do that dance!

I must, I must, I must increase my bust (x4)

I got a new plan the idea is real cool
I decided to go to a gymnastic school
there I found out that I'm not alone
Suffering from this flatchested syndrom
So when I wake up or go into bed
I remember the wise words that my teacher said
If you want your man to drown in your lust
You must, you must increase your bust

Do that dance!

I must, I must, I must increase my bust (x4)

Fortune

2006-05-02T12:31:00.000-07:00

Had some VERY yummy Teriyaki in the cafeteria today. Doin' the happy dance!

You have a keen sense of humor
and bring out the best in others.

Translation: Yay me.

The Everlasting Quiz

2006-05-01T12:07:00.000-07:00

Always following in HappyKap's footsteps, I finally got off my ass and finished my quiz.

Anyway, if you feel so inclined:

Take My Quiz
- on -
QuizYourFriends.com!

PS- It's really not Everlasting, but I was able to scrape up 10 questions.

Friday Five

2006-04-28T12:36:00.000-07:00

1. What's missing from your life?
Joy.
(The feeling, not the stripper)

2. Do you like to get drunk?
Yup. In fact I sampled a delicious new beer just last night. I just can't pass up 2 pint bottle of alc. 10% hopp-tastic goodness.

3. Have you ever kissed a stranger?
Depends on how you define stranger. If this means just ran up to some random person and laid one down, then no. But if it means someone I had just recently met and hardly knew, then yes.

4. Do you smoke?
Cigarettes? Not any more.
Cigars? Very rarely.
Pole? No.

5. What makes you happy?
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs

Half-Nekkid Thursday - Still Scary Edition

2006-04-27T02:10:00.000-07:00

So yeah, it's been like 4 months since I last came up witn an HNT entry. Purely not intentional, I'm just a slacker lately.

This photo was taken during a recent trip back home. That's my neice fleeing for her dear life because apparently Uncle Ever is extremely terrifying. My brother kept putting her on my lap to try and get a picture...this was the result every time. :)

She must be running from the double chin. Thanks pizza!

Anyway, it gave me a great laugh, so hope it brightens up somebody else's Thursday too. Happy HNT!

Avaisms

2006-04-26T10:58:00.000-07:00

Yeah, it's been a while since I posted anything. Sorry, I get lazy when I go out of town. :)

So Her Brilliance and I went to the hardware store over the weekend. She kept getting into stuff (lots to look at) so I was carrying her down one of the isles looking for some electrial supplies. At the end of the isle there was a guy doing the same. HB piped up with this:

HB: Who is that guy?
Me: I don't know.
HB: He has a beard.
Me: Yes, yes he does.
HB: Who is he?
Me: I don't know, why don't you go ask him?

She then leaned close to my ear and whispered all quiet and serious:

Maybe he's some kind of DUDE.

I was rolling.

Dance Dance What?

2006-04-18T13:24:00.000-07:00

I've always been one to think that Dance Dance Revolution is among the dumbest games ever invented. I know a lot of people are crazy about it, but I just don't get it. Sorry.

But!

That was until I saw this site...possibly one of the coolest things I've ever seen.

Dance Dance Immolation is an adaptation of the popular arcade video game Dance Dance Revolution, but with fire! Basically, you play DDR; when you do well, the computer shoots big propane blasts up into the air. When you do poorly, it shoots you in the face with flamethrowers. Yes, you, as in your actual corporeal body. And yes, flamethrowers, like the kind that are on fire.

Hells yeah, sign me up!

What Would Brian Boitano Do?

2006-04-17T15:00:00.000-07:00

Conference calls are so f'ing boring.

Why I Like Easter

2006-04-16T22:40:00.000-07:00

Ham
Deviled Eggs
Ham
Ham
...
Ham
Beer